Never been one to let the carrier drop

Once someone truly learns to use their imagination, no jail can hold them, no job can grind them down, no religion can convince them they are bad and evil and should be ashamed, and the words ‘bad choices’ stop having any sting at all. Imagination is Power. Imagination is Freedom.

Mine has gotten a major upgrade lately: My visualization skills have been amped up considerably. They appear on kind of a third visual channel, so perhaps this is what people mean when they talk about a ‘third eye’. Or perhaps not.

I’m hoping that if I exercise my viz skills, they will grow. Not saying I’m going to make a major practice of this.. I’ve still so many other skills to exercise.. but, I begged and begged for lucid dreaming and I feel like I’m getting a software upgrade that will permit me to do it.

I’m also unreasonably proud of myself for having not used in a dream last night.

A reminder, today’s meeting is at 5p instead of 6p.

Another reminder, dude is gonna be in the studio from 6p to 8p, might not be a bad idea to spend a hour down there before the meeting cleaning shit up.

This is day 15.

Another fun day. Tomorrow I’ve got a guy from $12_STEP_PROGRAM I don’t know coming into the studio to lay down some rap tracks. I’m going to have a fun time pretending I know what I’m doing, considering I’ve never recorded rap before in my life. But he says he already has the instrumental backing, he just wants a place to record the vocals, and theoretically at least I’m equipped to do that. I guess I’ll just fake it till it works. Anyway, I’m not charging him so really, how bad can it be when it’s free? So sez me.

Also got band practice tomorrow, then might be going with Tory Sunday to something for Jeremy et al. It’ll be good to go somewhere with Tory again, it’s been a long time. Kayti might be going too.

Feeling a bit overhwhelmed with all the mental health professionals that are currently a part of my life. E-mailed a lawyer about the accident, asking if he’d represent me. No-reply-at-all. Well, Jeffrey Serage says he knows someone, so perhaps I’ll try his contact if I don’t hear from the lawyer in a few days.

I might also try resending the mail from gmail just in case sheer.us is blackholed somewhere for some reason.

Mental note to self: check on Qwest and Blarg bills.

Anyway, clocking out for the day. Day 14 – 2 weeks. One day at a time.. deep breath.. one day at a time..

I was reading a long-ago entry where I was baggin’ on DJs spinning with CD players. Some of the best DJs I know DJ with CD players.

Dude, whatever equipment gets ya there, whatever words get you there, whatever operating system gets you there, whatever religion gets you there, whatever mantra gets you there, whatever car gets you there, whatever boat gets you there, whatever house gets you there, whatever lover gets you there, whatever friends get you there, whatever doctors get you there, whatever drugs get you there, whatever beliefs get you there, whatever hopes get you there, whatever dreams get you there, whatever habits get you there, whatever truths get you there..

The important thing.. is to be there.

I think they misquoted Ford. I think what he said was, ‘we’ll ship ’em black.. and then they’ll paint ’em whatever color they like’.

Love ya all,

Sheer

For any of you who had problem with www.wshr.org, there’s now a Java based version at www.wshr.us.

It may take me a while to get my act togeather enough to keep music always queued up.

Eventually maybe I’ll get a live365 bridge.

I forgot to clock in this morning, which means I’ve already fixed some safetymate visual problems, read some on FDS, and done a little project for myself.

Okay, so I’m going to mention my little project for myself.

For a long time I’ve run, off and on, a streaming radio station. Sometimes I broadcast other people’s works, sometimes I broadcast my own, and sometimes I broadcast me live

However, it was a icecast stream, and explaining how to open it in six different audio players every time I wanted anyone to tune in was driving me to distraction.

Recently, I did some work for my friend Eben where I set up a mp3 player subsystem for her radio station so she could sell back issues. You can see this at QMs RadioAlchymy site if you’re curious. But, using technology that she brought to my attention, I’ve built a web site with a flash embedded player, so when you open it, assuming you have Flash installed, it just works.

Combined with getting darkice working so I could broadcast MP3 from my linux boxen, this little project now means that I can broadcast on the web from my li’l PC, and you all can tune it in whenever you like.

So check it out, if you’re so inspired.

I also plan to do some scheduled live/jam broadcasts, and broadcast some more Mischief Committee meetings. I will post dates and times just as soon as I know waht the dates and times are to post.

Anyway, I guess I’ve built it up enough, here’s the URL: http://www.wshr.org

I’ve got a lot of hoops to jump through before I’ll even recognize my life as mine.

I got up this morning way too early.. turns out i forgot to take my drugs last night. Well, so, there’s a direct penalty for forgetting my drugs. Will definately be more careful in the future.

OTOH, I did get some things done.

I wrote to Natalie, something I’ve been putting off for decades, it feels like sometimes. Just kind of a hi, this is who I am, this is my address, feel free to ask questions kind of letter. The front of one page, handwritten. Given how horrible my handwriting is I don’t know why I handwrote it, except that it just felt cold to write a letter like that via computer. Future ones will probably be typed.

I asked my mom to mail me my old IBM selectric clone. I forsee filling out many forms in my future and there’s nothing quite like a typewriter for that. Plus it will bring back old memories.

I have homes for all the computers in my house that are sitting on shelves. Now I just have to repair them and mix & match & make them run, and then send them on to their homes.

I am soooo tired..

I faxed the hospital and told them to send my records to my shrink. I called the attorney that Brett reccomended and explained my situation, and got a referral to someone in the Seattle area. I wrote the attorney in Seattle a two-page email roughly explaining my situation.

This weekend I am working on Saturday, and then on Sunday I have to tackle the taxes, a taxing subject to be sure.

I also got a embedded mp3 player compiled in laszlo to work in the safetymate html app. That should ensure audio in virtually all browsers that have any chance of running flash.

I also worked a little bit on MoodMan. Eventually I hope it will be this uber software package that actually predicts what my mood will be tomorrow. But for now, I’m still even working on the UI. My base concept is this:

Three sliders. One for happy/sad, one for calm/afraid, and one for energetic/exhausted. Software logs any time any of the sliders gets moved with a timestamp, and also has a text box for typing some comments about the change just made which logs those comments with a timestamp. Simple easy php & mysql & laz working togeather. Put it on my active desktop. Whenever I feel something emotional, grab the sliders and slide them around. Then graph the results and try to make some sense of them, plus compare them against the LJ language heuristics to determine if the latter are actually measuring anything meaningful.

Day 13 draws to a close. Sheer, signing off.

I have no proof, but I suspect what awakened me / is keeping me awake might be excess CH4 pressure because of the rather large quantity of pickled garlic I consumed last night.

Let it be a lesson to me..

I have no idea why, but even though I’m tired and headachy, my body hath decided to awaken and has refused instructions to sleep further. So, looks like it’s 7 am and I’m awake.

I may fight back with one of my favorite drugs for this situation: coffee. It may not put me back to sleep, but at least it’ll put me togeather into a imitation of a man. Only problem is, my coffeemaker’s been dirty for a year now. Hmm. I could walk up to the donut shop, but what if Kayti awakened to find me gone.

Leave a note? Where?

I hate this situation. THe right thing to do is probably to wake her to tell her I went to get coffee, but then what if *she* can’t get back to sleep..

I think I’ll leave the office door closed with a big note on it. That oughta work. Or, of course, I could just forgo the coffee. Maybe I’ll put the matter up to a vote on Brig.

The rhyming is loose and clutzy, the melody simple and the chord progression amatuarish. But still, I think I may record this one.

The blinding pain of unknowable truth
The searing heat of a feedback loop
The bitter spin of a full chase lock
The white hot fear before you drop

Dominos is not a game we play for keeps
Dead or alive, I’m still losing sleeps
The terrible feeling when you can’t say no
Hearing the engines whine, machine out of control

Scanning the world for your guiding light
Looking for love and kindness and things set right
Weakness catches you buying again
When all else fails, change yourself, old friend

They were selling happiness, but you bought too much
Now you sit here with mind and body turned to rust
And ask yourself fearfully, how much will come back
Rub the coppery dust off the old dirty track

But under that rust still sits a path of steel
And once your will has a way, the power you’l feel
Ask not how much of the light at the end is real
Real doesn’t really matter anyway

One day at a time
One step after another
Words plodding rhyme
Father and mother
From the beginning of memory
To the end in dispair
Find places to change
Until you find yourself there