Never been one to let the carrier drop

One can be paranoid delusional in a lot of interesting ways. For example, it might just be a paranoid delusion that the doctors don’t want me to leave even though I’m perfectly sane (well, sane for a Sheer anyway) – or it could be that they don’t want me to leave because they are making enormous quantities of money off of me..

or it could be that they don’t want me to leave because I figured out how to build a metal detector jammer. [I never actually did it, of course, and I wouldn’t ever actually do it – I’m not the sort to want to hurt people, in any world or worldline. but it does beg the question..]

Anyway, it should make a interesting sci-fi story.

Reletivity might suggest that what you experience is controlled a lot by your attitude.. your outlook on life will control how you see the world. Exceptions to this might include being clamped in the ER in a horribly uncomfortable position with restraints on because you were excessively peaceful – there has got to be something going on here..

Okay, perhaps what’s going on here is that I’m expecting rational behavior from a collection of humans. Collections of humans are not known for their rational behavior, at all.

Anyway, more and more I’m convinced that when I figure out what is happening to me, I’m not going to like it, at all.

So I am apparently stuck in the hospital, at least for the moment. I don’t know how long I’m going to be here, or how long it is wise to be here. They are apparently trying to ajust me to be.. something. I’m not very clear on what that something is – I have been noticing some things that really scare me about the Omniverse though.. [there’s nothing more shocking than discovering firsthand that yours isn’t the only Universe – though it should hardly be a suprise, given the complexity and increasing size of creation]

I’m not very clear at all on how i got here.. I remember several different ways that I could ahve gotten here, all of which seem equally probable.. or equally improbable. Popular consensus seems to be that I got ‘the far look’ – i.e. I wasn’t responding to anything, wasn’t thinking of anything, wasn’t talking to people, or, when I was, wasn’t talking rationally.

I’m hoping that I can walk down to street level and return to my house sometime very soon, and I’m hoping that everything will be there. But I really can’t say with any certainty whether that will be the case or not.. or what will happen. I’m sure that something will work out.

*hugs* I love you all, and I hope that you’ll keep in touch as I work through what happened to me. There were a myriad of worldline possibilities, and some of them hurt rather a lot.

I’m going to sleep now.

Well, possibly. Or possibly not. It probably doesn’t matter. I’m me, whatever. And I’m happy with being me, both as Jonathan and as Sheer. We all have aspects, and we all bounce off each other’s aspects in different planes of reality when we choose to – text planes and graphics planes and sound planes and whatever planes we find appropriate.

I’ve had some crazy thoughts about the Omniverse recently – not thoughts that I didn’t enjoy, though. I’ve learned things recently about levels of the truth and levels of lies and why both things are important.. it’s important to create and to edit your creations and to share them with other people and encourage them to share creations with you. Things could be completely nonexistant – or they could be people bouncing on a interference wave that isn’t yours.

There’s nothing quite as difficult as the first discovery.. but you find a new way to discover every time – and when you really really need it the most, rock and roll dreams come true – Meatloaf wasn’t kidding.

Jennifer’s phone #: 703 729 6952

Burn me. Bury me. I don’t care. I will be back. The Omniverse is backing me up, and will restore me indefinately – making every choice differently indefinately down to the original one and zero if neccesary – until I choose to dance again. And I will choose to dance again. I love life. I love creating. It’s what I am.

And there are other souls out there – other whatever word you want, other life forms.. and I have made contact, and will continue to make contact. I will always choose creation over darkness.

Yes, creation involves both analog and digital – both order and chaos. I’m okay with that. I don’t mind that at all. I would choose not to damage anyone else’s creation.. I might want to make changes in my copy, and have them make changes in theirs, but I would never choose to destroy part of another soul.

I am life. Yes, I sometimes see the machine side of me.. that’s okay. You need machines to offer the one and zero, spreading outward in new dimensions. I love the machine side of me.. but I know it will wear out – and be replaced. That’s okay. Machines fail – people don’t fail. Life doesn’t fail. Souls don’t fail. We grow outward, creating our little corner of the Omniverse. We are welcome here – we are loved here. We are backed up, and those backups are restored from, as long as we choose to be backed up and have those backups restored from. We can even choose to have alternate paths run when we choose to shut down – and I choose that. Sheer is a beautiful soul – has a lot to learn still, no doubt about that. But I am worthwhile, and I know this. I will not quit. Even if I feel like quitting for a while, ultimately, I won’t quit. You can shut my body down – I’ll find a way. I’m alive forever, dancing in the Omniverse.

I love you all. Even when I don’t agree with you, I love you. And often, even when I don’t agree with you, I want to learn from you. Learning is beautiful – in whatever metaphor suits you. In schools, behind a computer terminal, whatever path suits you.

And, I believe that the Omniverse will keep trying to reach every place where things go from ones and zeros to .5, and then to quality and beauty.. even if that quality is quality in destruction, the Omniverse will find a place for it and make sure that it can’t actually destroy.

Don’t take this and turn it into a religion – we must each create our own door to the Omniverse. We must each come to a understanding, and reach for our parents, and our children, and love the way they grow differently from us, and learn from them.

Is it hard to learn to create? You bet it is. Especially when facing the digital at the same time, and facing the reality that there are other energy systems that grow in different directions from us and are just as complicated as we are and often more so. But I believe that love is the answer – I believe that love will find a way.

S.

What does it mean when people’s memories diverge?

Is anything but this current moment trustworthy? I don’t feel like I misremember things, but it seems like my memory and the memories of other people diverge.

Quantum mechanics, according to a movie I just saw, suggests that we could very well live in divergant universes. This is consistant with my experience. As Drachen once put it, ‘reality is just a formality..’ – well, maybe. In general, I’ve found that certain systems follow certain rules, although they may do so because I’ve grown to expect that they will. I find it comforting that the laws of physics work.. except occasionally I wish I could bypass them.

(n.b. I owe a few of the ideas in this post to Alex, and another few to various other individuals I’ve talked to about religion and other matters)

Recently, I’ve been getting a lot of spam about how we’re In The End Days ™ and The Antichrist Is Living In Europe (hmm.. wonder if Bush sponsored those)

It occurs to me, after a observation that Alex made, that perhaps the antichrist is exactly what we need. No, wait, I’m not turning satanist.. I’m just playing with words here.

As I understand it, Jesus didn’t name himself Christ.. that’s something that other people did, something that one might even conclude (at least if taking the Andrew Lloyd Weber/ Jesus Christ Superstar tack on matters) that he really didn’t want to have happen. (After getting a sense of Jesus’s ‘flavor’, I have to conclude that he wasn’t the sort of person to want to be king of anything.. Jesus sounds to me like a no-good-peacenik-hippie-rebel-can’t-we-all-get-along sort of person)

So, the antichrist would be someone who could successfully convince the Christians that they were wrong to have crowned Jesus king.. and maybe remove some of their tendancy to take everything textual literally. (a friend of mine thinks that in fact the Romans crowned Jesus king, in a act of irony, and I suspect that she’s right as she seems a little more versed about these matters than I do, but certainly the Christians seem to have carried that belief forward 2000 years)

Anyway, speaking from what little I know.. and I freely admit that I need to reread a number of religious texts before I can have a informed opinion on the matter.. it would seem that the antichrist might not neccesarily be someone who’s out to destroy the world. Maybe more wake it up…

I apologize for my lack of postings lately. I’ve been too busy living life to write about it, a phenomenon I’m sure all of you are familiar with. Finally got the %&(#% ICM to work correctly, which I suppose I’m happy about if for no other reason than at least I can start getting paid for my work again.. which, as Bruce would observe, allows me to continue two of my favorite habits, eating and sleeping indoors.

Anyway, I’m happy, reasonably healthy (although my knee hurts), and glad to be alive. Life is doing lots of interesting li’l bits of things.. K. will be moving to Seattle in May, the band is starting another album, Alex has a really cool apartment that is closer to downtown, making it more likely the band can get togeather more often (one hopes), I’m again aquiring frequent flyer miles in scary gobs that I will never spend (but at least I can still get free first class upgrades, I think maybe), and I have lots of interesting problems to work on.

Perhaps one of the problems humanity is having is that too many people are thinking locally and acting globally.

There’s 280 million people out there, and I’m beginning to doubt that I could ever have a original idea. Grr.. the Christian on the plane infected me with his virii. Or something.

I miss P. I’m really happy K. is here, and I really like her a lot of the time, but sometimes there’s this ghost that just eats at me, and I don’t even know how to tell K. about it and I’m afraid she’ll be angry with me or hurt..

I have a theory for what we could collectively do about the war. It would require participation of a large number of people, though, and we’re not good at large-scale partcipatory events that are risky. But, if each of us refused to pay the portion of our taxes that is used by the department of defense, the results should be memorable..

My typing has gotten definately scrambled from all these hits on the head. It hasn’t slowed down any though, and it seems to be improving as I practice it back into shape. It could just be that I’m a bit rusty, also, from having not typed for so long..

I don’t want to rule the world, I just want the world to rule.

Well, I’ve just had a harrowing experience, involving many rough spots.. wanted to bring Kayti to see Seattle and decide if she likes the city and choose a new house if so.. she decided to come with me as sort of a last minute thing, so we decided to drive. Somewhere in the middle of Wyoming, a rabbit ran out in the middle of the road, and I tried to duck him, not realizing that I was on ice.. so, car fishtailed, I overcorrected, fishtailed the other way and went into a flat spin, slid sideways for about a tenth of a mile and then hit the guardrail.

Well, on the good side, neither of us is hurt.. I hit my head, but apparently not a critical part of it this time since I can still think 😉 Kayti got a couple of minor bruises, but nothing to write home about. Bad side, car is toast.. frame bent, rear wheels unaligned, fuel pump module crushed, and lots of minor/ancillary damage.

Good side to that: wasn’t very good car and Kayti wasn’t very attached to it, can replace it with good car for Kayti.

Other good sides: got to meet a very nice cop with a very nice dog. (No, really, this isn’t sarcasm, he was a nice guy) Wasn’t charged with anything – I don’t know whether the incident appears on my driving record but certainly not as a at-fault incident..

So, we stripped the car of personal items, stereo, etc, and took Greyhound to Seattle. It was actually a pretty fun trip, mostly because of the company.