Never been one to let the carrier drop

I found another Oceanlab song I’ve never heard.

I love them so much..

Can anyone suggest any other groups that are similar to OceanLab?

There’s a new Emmit Swimming album!

I can’t wait to get my claws on it. I’m thinking about buying it via iTunes…

God, if you’re reading this and Christianity really was the best you could do in authoring a religion, then I’m really sorry that I can’t agree with it. Feel free to put yourself in my shoes for a few milliseconds to figure out why.

And, if you’re going to condemn me to eternal suffering for disagreeing with you, then shame on you..

Okay. I’ve come to terms with it. Religion was written to control us, by people who were not superior to us. It takes advantage of several inherent weaknesses in our instinct-set.. (humans don’t have very good security on what we believe, or even what DNA fragments we’ll copy.. I guess we were written before uberparanoia was necessary.)

I can now hate Christianity in peace. (Which doesn’t mean that I hate all, or even any, Christians. I just hate the informational virus that nearly drove me mad and brought much negative emotion into my life. I think that’s a reasonable thing to do.)

The sad thing is it was almost good. If Jesus could have had the nerve to disavow what had gone before as not a sample of the behavior of a superior life form..

.. then they just would have edited his words out when they wrote the book anyway.

I don’t know who this ‘they” is. Presumably they were good men acting for the best of reasons – I mean, aren’t we all? 😉 – but nonetheless ..

So, the next challenge is, given the lack of a bible, how do I write one? I suppose everyone really has to author their own sooner or later.

I’ve started by trying to isolate what root concepts strike me as good and bad. Perhaps I should be starting by rejecting the concept of good and bad altogeather, but I can’t do so because it’s inherently in my nature to see rightness in some things and wrongness in others.

Today I was talking with a coworker about security, and how to properly treat credit card numbers and systems, and I felt a bit of that old adreniline rush – the feeling you get when you first get in, or first get a tricky bit of code to run..

Damn it, I AM a white hat. Why does the idea of digitally breaking and entering give me such a rush? Clearly I don’t do it any more, clearly I won’t ever do it again except with the explicit permission of the owners of the systems involved. And yet.. the other day I had fantasies of taking over the cable network.

What is wrong with me?

As most of you know, I have a long standing hate/hate relationship with TV.

However, because Kayti likes it, and because there’s only one TV station that can be received with a antenna in our neck of the woods, I subscribed to Cox digital cable. (It was $7 more than basic analog, and offered perks such as HDTV programming.. they upsold me nicely)

It also comes with plain old analog cable, so I cabled up Kayti’s TV set to it and mostly forgot it.. the box with the HDTV/digital tuner has just been sitting in the living room with five million other boxes.

Until tonight – when circumstances made it desirable to be able to record cable while away. I unpacked the HDTV tuner and cabled it up to my PC via a USB HDTV tuner widget, and turned it on.. and..

Holy COW that’s a lot of channels.

I spotted about six movies I might like to watch in the first page of the program guide. Even the public access channel was running something interesting.. footage of a blues concert at Fashon Island..

My hatred of TV kind of got kicked in the teeth. Granted, there are still all those annoying commercials – but, in the age of the DVR, no one needs to actually *watch* those.. (why do you *think* I hooked it up to my computer? ;-))

Now if only I could figure out what channel MTV is on..

Yaay my IP troubles might be over..

S.

I tried replacing teh splitter with a uber-wide-bandwidth-low-loss model. No improvement.

I tried setting up QoS to limit outgoing rate to 500kbit/sec. No improvement.

I tried putting the modem in the flow from the fan. Noticable improvement.

Now I’m trying filling a pan with ice and setting it on top of the modem.. no improvement yet, but .. ahh.. yes.. there we go.. 25 ms ping times as long as the modem is kept iced.

No packet loss either..

later update: oops. Problem recurs. Just takes a while longer to do so.

Now I’m trying modem on extremely low line voltage.. (100v)

seems to doing better..

Cox is supposed to send someone out here tomorrow @ 1p. Problem happens quickly enough that I’m guessing I can get him to wait the ten minutes or so it usually takes for ping times to go to hell in a handbasket.

I’ve concluded that there’s some bit of me that wants – deeply wants – to be unhappy, and that spends a lot of time trying to plot out how to sabotogue the rest of me.

I need to figure out why this bit of me exists, and find some way to either come to terms with it or excise it. Otherwise I’m not thinking my life will get any better going forward.. I’ll continue to hurt people and continue to be unhappy..

My network continues to suck.. the cable modem works great for a few minutes and then comes progressively more nad more unglued. They’re supposed to drop by tomorrow with a replacement modem – hopefully that will help the situation.

Yesterday I set up a linux firewall with arp proxy – now all of my machines, even the public-subnet ones, are actually hiding behind a firewall. This has pro

Well, I haven’t exactly been writing much in livejournal. There are a number of reasons for this..

1) Various of my friends have expressed concern about the detail level I include in my journal about their lives, thoughts, or actions. I am going to make a greater attempt in the future to segregate posts into private, secured, and public as per the wishes of the people being posted about. If you are someone who is concerned about me posting about you and who hasn’t yet approached me, please contact me. In the meantime, I will attempt to err on the side of caution in terms of talking about relationships and individuals.

2) I’ve been extrordinarily busy unpacking and working and moving and stuff. I still haven’t managed to unpack my studio although I’m hoping to make some progress in that direction today.

3) I just haven’t really had that much to say, I guess.

Me and Kayti had thanksgiving togeather – we made stuffing and rolls and uncanned cranberry sauce and gravy and had a microwave turkey breast. It was pretty tasty.

I had a really disturbing dream last night. I was seated in the witness box of a courtroom, and the judge asked me what my final verdict was on God and I said that *e was evil.

I really don’t like to think that way, and I don’t really think that it’s true. I don’t think whoever’s in charge around here is perfect (as some people would claim) but I don’t think they’re actively evil either. They may have bad days…

so it was disturbing. Not quite as disturbing as the dream two nights ago where I threatened someone with a knife, or the one before that where I went off on someone who was the same gender as I am for asking me for sex.. (apparently I am homophobic in my dreams).

In general, my dreams lately have been pretty disturbing.

It rained here this morning.. I almost felt like I was waking up in Seattle or something. It seems to have stopped now though. Luckily yesterday one of the things I did was hook a 12v charger up to the remains of the EV and roll the windows up. (I’m still awaiting a replacement inverter, or at least a verdict, from Metric Mind)

I’m feeling rather sad right now, and I really can’t identify why.