Never been one to let the carrier drop

The ride gets weirder from here. You’ve been warned.

Anyone ever notice how close ‘sacred’ and ‘scared’ are to each other?

In my most cynical moments, I think that everyone’s view of god is a reflection of their own insanity. This makes a bit of sense.. after all, by definition god is the unknowable and unobservable, so to assign attributes to him/her/it implies some insanity, or at least some willingness to create based on nonobserved data.

But then, who knows? The world is a very strange and complex and wonderful place.. I can understand those who argue that there must be a organizing intelligence, just based on how complicated all the peices are that fit togeather.

I refuse to claim certain knowledge on the subject, though. I will say that my god will have to live up to higher standards than the christian god does in the bible. [Yes, I have standards for my dieties, even those that I’m not clear on whether exist or not]

I do believe in something higher and more complicated than humanity.. I experience the summing of human emotions at many of the raves I go to, so I know that there’s more than just the obvious and basic in the world.

But what more? I couldn’t say.

[Why does one assume that a god would be good? as opposed to neutral, or evil? For that matter, are good, neutral, and evil, purely human prejudices? such interesting questions, and so few answers come to mind. ]

Another recording session tonight, in the more mundane matters. Got the CD artwork out to them last night. Hope to do mastering with Jesiah sometime midweek next week, though that will require busting ass. Need to spend at least some time this weekend doing mastering myself.

Heard P.’s voice on my answering machine, when I was searching for Elliot’s number. Was very sad. I *know* I’m not ready to talk voice to her yet. Managed to talk to her via ICQ, and added her back onto my journal friends list. Think I’m getting over it a little bit.. crippling depression at times, but that’s the way life goes.

Trying to learn.

Had a good time hanging out with the other night. Didn’t terrify her too much apparently, though I was at my most emotional-basket-caseness for a lot of the time. *sighs*

I want to be normal-sheer again.

S.

I am still a child.. I am but a egg…

Whenever I think I’ve figured out most of the world.. that it’s all starting to fit togeather.. I discover there’s another level, that there’s things I hadn’t even counted upon. How long does this puzzle go on? How deep does the rabbit hole go?

It’s hidden far away
But someday I may tell
The tale of mental tangle
When into your world I fell

Without you now I wander,
sulking, secretly afraid
In your grasp, the fears don’t last
Though some of them have stayed

—————————-

Life’s like a movie..
write your own ending
Keep beleiving
Keep pretending
You’ve done just what you set out to do..

I had a really difficult night last night.. but I think I’m better now. At least somewhat better. I keep waiting for this to stop hurting.. defriending P. didn’t actually work because I still peek at her journal via URL, reading about her romantic getaways with J… I’m so stupid.

And I’m happy for her, that she’s moving on and finding her happy ending.. or at least happy next chapter.. and it’s about time I did so as well. Although.. it’s been less than a month, I think I can somewhat be forgiven for being unhappy. But can I be forgiven for calling, IMing, and emailing so many people last night?

Who knows. I presume my friends will tell me when I need to sit down and shut up. Actually, one of them kinda did last night 😉 But sometimes, you know, that’s just what you need to be told.

Humans are so silly. Can I pull a Aster, and become a flower? 😉 Actually, I think I’d rather be a dolphin.

Which File Extension are You?

Yep.

I don’t know.

But the next few weeks promise to be… interesting.

S.

A bunch of brig spods are coming to fluffy *bounce*