Never been one to let the carrier drop

Taking the literal meaning of ‘polyamoury’, it means loving many people. But all of us – at least, I would hope all of us – love many, many people, whether or not we express it with physical contact. I can’t imagine how dark and disturbing a life would be that only involved loving one other person – anyway, I feel enormously richer loving the many that I do.

As a side note, here’s a list of people that I love that are currently in my mind – if you are reading this, and you feel like you should be on this list – you probably are *right*, so call me and remind me!

Tavian (aka Ducky)

Jessica (aka Luna)

Amy (aka Bunny)

Sam

Vicky (fka Coughdrop, aka TGAW)

Carolyn (fka Magic Mist)

Harvey

Meira (fka Mindy)

Natalie (fka Nathaniel)

Vinnie (aka Drachen)

Gayle (fka Banshee, Kalika)

Lara (my silly rabbit)

Shepherd (aka Waater, Grei)

Owen

Carla

James (aka Centauri, Deadman)

Andy

Becky

other Becky (Stargazer)

Lisa (with the car ;-))

Lisa (ex-sister?)

Cal

Mei

Brenda

Phoebe (obviously ;-))

Michael

Jay

David D. (who I haven’t heard from in so long that I don’t have any guess how I would find him)

Holly

Rayna

April

Nicka (aka OMCN)

Chris K. (a.k.a. JL a.k.a Curious)

Shelly

Brett

How

Kate

Lenny

Jane

Lisa (of Jane descent)

Andy (who runs marathons)

Cindy (who leads choirs)

Vicky (of FBRS)

Raymond (also of FBRS)

Jorge (my little bro!)

Jennifer (my literal sister)

Kayti (tho it hurts a bit)

—

I’m sure it’s not a complete list, but you see the point. We’re all polyamorous – I’m *certain* that everyone on that list loves many people (though far from certain that everyone on that list loves me).

I actually at this point suspect there’s a solution to the polysexual problem that the hippies overlooked – which is to meet those you would have as lovers in dreams. This keeps a virtualization layer between them, thusly solving nicely all the jealousy problems. Once I thought that it would just be me fooling myself if I did this – now I am suspecting that we are connected in more ways than the obvious here and now and that it would literally be the other people.

Now to master lucid dreaming.. 😉

I’m creating a dream journal – which will be locked, so you all don’t get to have the fun of watching my initial, probably failed or awkward attempts at it. I’ve bought a multichannel alarm clock and determined when my REM cycles are (I asked my higher power. He nailed it in one try. Go figure.) to interrupt them. I think I know what I’m doing – and if I don’t I’m still a lot less likely to hurt myself with this than with some of the funny chemicals I’ve tried over my life.

I’m not – at all – just doing this for the sex, either. Among other things, I’ve always wanted to be able to fly – without any machine. For that matter, the idea of jamming with Jimmy Buffet, chatting with Spider Robinson, dancing with Madonna, and finally being able to say *anything* to *anyone* without fear of being ground into a little pulp.. let’s just say it has remarkable appeal.

Wish me luck. 😉

For those of you who remember me in the early 90s, for a while I was with a girl named Vinnie (aka Drachen, or Black Drachen) and I wrote her this song. These are not the original lyrics.. but they seemed to fit now better.

This is sort of a experiment for me – to see if I can get over my fear of posting music with lyrics. We’ll see how it goes – because I’ve got a lot of things to say to a lot of people, and this might be a somewhat theraputic way to say them.

http://www.sheer.us/stuff/EyeOfTheStorm2-sox.mp3

How can I convince youWhat you see is realWho am I to blame youFor doubting what you feelI was always reachingYou were just a girl I knewI took for granted the friend I have in youI was living for a dreamLoving for a momentTaking on the worldThat was just my styleNow I look into your eyesI can see foreverThe search is overYou were with me all the whileCan we last forever?Will we fall apart?The times it’s so confusingThe questions of the heartYou followed me through changesand patiently you’d waituntil I came to my senses throughsome miricle of fateI was living for a dreamloving for a momenttaking on the worldthat was just my styleNow I look into your eyesI can see foreverThe search is overYou were with me all the whileNow the miles stretch out behind me loves that I have lostFrom the hearts lie victems of a dayThen good luck it finally struck like lightning from the blueEvery highway’s leading me back to youNow at last I hold youNow all is said and doneThe search has come full circleOur destinies are oneSo you ever loved meShow me that you give a damnWe’ll know for certainThe man I really am(chorus)

Reading back over my journal from this vantage point is just.. upsetting. It’s all so sad and wrong.. I don’t know whether to delete it, or leave it.. I’m inclined to leave it.. but I may never read past a few weeks ago, because it *HURTS*.For anyone else who was following it, I’m sorry. I really didn’t know.

So, another day in the life of Sheer. I’m getting better at getting along with myself. The cats are here, being cute. I’m trying to unload old unix workstations & other excess computer gear, and get some work done.

If Buddhism is base 2 (four noble truths, eightfold path) and Christianity is base 3 (Trinity, 12 disciples) what is base 5?http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prime_reciprocal_magic_square

Still climbing. Passed another milepost.. it read ‘Bhudda Dance’. 😉

Contact

It’s all it takes

To change your life, to lose your place in time

Contact

Asleep or awake

Coming around you may wake up to find

Questions speak

Within your eyes

Now more than ever

You realize…

And then you sense a change..

And nothing feels the same

And all your dreams are strange

Love comes walking in

Some kind of alien

Reached for the opening

Simply pulls a string..

Another world, some other time

You lay your sanity on the line

Familiar faces, familiar sights

Reach back, remember with all your might

There she stands in her silken gown

The silver lights shining down..

And then you sense a change

And nothing feels the same

And all your dreams are strange

Love comes walking in

Some kind of alien

waits for the opening

simply pulls a string

love comes walking in..

Sleep and dream

That’s all I crave

I travel far across the milky way

To my master I’ve become a slave

’til we meet again

some other day..

And then you sense a change

And nothing feels the same

And all your dreams are strange

Love comes walking in

Some kind of alien

waits for the opening

simply pulls a string

love comes walking in..

I can not remember the last time I was this happy.

Christine’s depression never seems to end

Cause she’ll never be as skinny as the girls on friends

She’s got fat lips and thin lips, she’s jealous of a Q-tip

She’d take stupid over fat

She stuck her fingers down her throat for the very last time today

And she walked away..

Malcolm’s got his image, his rock and his glock

and if he lives to be 20 he will have beat the clock

he’s got his ride and his pride and girls by his side

He makes stands with his gun in his hand

He saw his best friend lying on a stainless steel tray

and he walked away..

and the destination’s clear

anywhere but here

(chorus)

Doesn’t  matter that you’re lying in the gutter

Doesn’t matter that your brain’s all cluttered

Doesn’t matter that you’re covered in scars

You’re never in the gutter with your eyes on the stars

So walk away from the boyfriend bruises

and the shame of the game that your brain knows you’re losing

and that job that you do it just robs you of who you can be when you’re free from this mentality

So you’re home by the phone getting stoned all alone with your chat room friends, your Korn and Ramones

but the phone don’t ring and Joey just sings ‘Sedated’ – you got to learn to hate it!

(repeat chorus)

Since memory and CPU are very nearly free, why don’t programs compiled in debug mode keep a copy of the entire stack & state so that it’s possible to step *backwards* from a breakpoint as well as forwards? It seems like this would be extremely useful especially in failed assertions..