I’ve concluded that there’s some bit of me that wants – deeply wants – to be unhappy, and that spends a lot of time trying to plot out how to sabotogue the rest of me.

I need to figure out why this bit of me exists, and find some way to either come to terms with it or excise it. Otherwise I’m not thinking my life will get any better going forward.. I’ll continue to hurt people and continue to be unhappy..

My network continues to suck.. the cable modem works great for a few minutes and then comes progressively more nad more unglued. They’re supposed to drop by tomorrow with a replacement modem – hopefully that will help the situation.

Yesterday I set up a linux firewall with arp proxy – now all of my machines, even the public-subnet ones, are actually hiding behind a firewall. This has pro

One Response to “846”

  1. goamaki Says:

    I think I’ve known more than a handful of people that “wanted” to be deeply unhappy. I put that in quotes, because I don’t think it’s about Want. I would think that we only do things, because it gets us something we need. Seems like when you’re unhappy, perhaps it gets you the things you need. Love, attention, inspiration, creativity, etc. I dunno. Perhaps you’ve fallen in love with The Game. So, what has being unhappy gotten you really? How’s it working for you? Have you completed any personal therapy UNTIL you’ve gotten better? One shouldn’t stop trying to find out why they’re not getting what they need/want. I hope you can keep trying.

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