I grew up all over, but a noticable portion of that all over was in Virginia, and as such, I spent a fair amount of time hanging out at Virginia Tech or with people who went there.

I just today found out about the shootings. A friend of mine made the very astute observation that a equal number of innocents probably die in Iraq every day because of our involvement.. and, as I send in my tax check, that just makes me feel worse.

But the VT thing makes me feel really bad. Partially because it brings back the Blue House thing, and the Fluffy Bunny gun incident, and partially because it’s the first bad memory that I have associated with vt. Kind of feel like I lost some kind of virginity there..

I mean, I was writing in a friend’s blog about it and I just couldn’t stop feeling closer and closer to crying, and I knew the things I was writing were making less and less sense and I really wanted to just tell myself to shut up..

It shouldn’t hurt me. I wasn’t there. I didn’t go there, I just hung out there occasionally. I almost certainly didn’t know anyone involved. But it *hurts*.

Ripples spread outward. Just like Dancerboy. I didn’t know him. But it hurt anyway.

I need to find some way to get a thicker psychic skin. These things that just glance off of most other people leaving no damage can leave me depressed and unhappy for days. I feel like there’s some kind of emotional issue that I have tied up in this particular shooting that I need to get rid of – maybe it’s because I never really properly expressed my unhappiness and pain over the Blue House thing, or because I feel like my friendship with Jesiah completely dissapeared afterwords.. mostly my fault, I was hiding in my house going slowly crazy..

(I really don’t miss that. You all will notice the counter at the top of sheer.us, I do really appear to be all, or at least mostly, better. I guess having failed the 12-step program I tried the 1-step program and found it more effective)

Anyway, I digress. I’m really unhappy about this whole shooting thing. Partially because IT KEEPS HAPPENING.

John Locke.

Blue House.

Virginia Tech.

Those are the three that I feel I have some connection with, although my connection with Locke and with VT is kind of tenuous. But those are just the ones that jump to the top of my head. Then there’s friends carrying guns.. I was so unhappy when I found out a friend of mine in AR was running drugs (Which I don’t care about) and packing heat (which I hate. Deal all the drugs you want, but there’s no amount of money nor weed that’s worth pulling a trigger over.)

I try to stay as far away from the news as I can. This has done wonders for my happiness and peace of mind, but it has the downside that whenever some does leak through, it’s always bloody awful.

Why couldn’t $DIETY_OF_YOUR_CHOICE have included file permissions?

chmod ugo-x *


3 Responses to “VT..”

  1. anonymous Says:

    I write up this long comment and what do you know it’s over the size limit for a comment! Lame.

    So here is my comment, in full: http://www.cygnostik.com/?page_id=49

    Laced with the uncharacteristic humanitarian nature I keep buried in the cockles somewhere…


  2. ClintJCL Says:

    I do think guns are in general good… Or rather, neutral until you use them, and can be used either way. Like swords. Like drugs. Like religion. Like propaganda. But yea, shooting people over drugs is generally pretty lame. Don’t know anything about the Blue House, but I just wanted to say, my own personal way of desensitizing is to deliberately watch all kinds of disgusting, violent, and disturbing video. I just had a discussion with a girlFRIEND today about that… she was concerned it would cause a lack of empathy (I already test 2/20 on empathizing, while avg male=9, avg female=12, and I already test 18/20 on systemizing, while avg male=12, avg female=9). I just think it breeds a different kind of more rational empathy. Look evil in the eye, stand face to face, peer it in the soul, and understand its full truth. I want to be desensitized to the *STIMULUS*, but not the actual truth of the actual act.

    hope you’re enjoying my random comments on old articles, haha

  3. ClintJCL Says:

    cygnostik’s link is bad!

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