Name change..
I’m looking into the rules and requirements for changing my name to ‘Sheer’.
It’s how I think of myself. When people call me ‘Jon’ I feel like they’re talking to someone else. Sheer is the one who had the skills to survive. Jonathan is the one who persued suicide.. Sheer is the one who never, ever, ever gives up, who keeps trying new things long after any sane person would say “That’s never going to work.”
I’m aware of Jonathan within me.. the one who would never disagree with his parents, who would never fight with anyone under any circumstances, who would lie rather than telling someone a truth they did not want to hear.. but I’m also aware of the fact that I’m feeling, basically, a corpse. Jonathan would never have survived my little rollerblading on PCH experience.
The government, I’m sure, would like Jonathan a lot better. He doesn’t fight back. He doesn’t disagree. He does what he’s told. But I don’t have the slightest feeling that Jonathan is really who I am. Increasingly I am feeling a strong and personal fire.. a desire to END certain things, or at least let them know they’ve been in a fight. There is nothing wrong with who I am and I will be me.
January 8th, 2015 at 11:37 am
You know, my sister asked me recently if you had legally changed your name. I didn’t think so. I didn’t know why not, either, when she asked. I think this is a good step for you.
There is, indeed, nothing wrong with who you are.