This morning seems to be harder morning to wake up than most. I got awoken by a phone call at 9:40.. I haven’t checked my voicemail yet, but I can rest assured that it’s the Phoenix people.

I don’t know what to do about them. They seem to have fallen into this mode where they believe I work for them and they are my top priority.. when in fact neither of these things is true. The temptation to scream ‘leave me alone’ at them is very real.. but yet, it’s really not their fault. They’ve been asked to do something they don’t have the resources (or, I would argue, the knowledge at times) to do..

I don’t know. I’ll call them back when I wake up a little more. At least my dreams last night didn’t feature spiders. [My dreams the night before did, in fact.. feature really big spiders, and P.. they were not happy or pleasent dreams]

I did finally take P. off my journal friends list. Her latest post was about her plethora of activity partners.. and aside from mentioning Justin, and in the initial-style that she used to mention me in, which upset me, it also felt like a criticism of me that I never did anything, or something, which upset me further. So I did the sane thing and clicked delete.. and that upset me too, but at least now I can look at my friends page without fear. In a month or so I’ll probably re-add her. When I’m over all this.

This is taking longer than it really should to get over, IMHO..

I’m also really tired of tiptoing around *myself* for fear of offending myself.. I mean, last night I apologized to Jessie for not being able to pick up his system today, despite the fact that I had zero advance notice and would have been doing him a huge favor. This is *pathetic*. Where did my spine go, and can I buy a synthetic one?

2 Responses to “Bootstrapping..”

  1. sati Says:

    Popular wisdom seems to think that it takes 6 months to “get over” a breakup with zero contact with the other person, though I know it’s not quite a break up you’re trying to deal with. I’m not sure as to what point you yourself would start counting, but at least to me, it seems like it’ll take longer to come to terms with what you’re experiencing.

    Sorry, I’m not sure if that actually comes across as reassuring that you’re not in the minority for still being where you are or if it sounds horrible that it might still be awhile.

  2. ajcal225 Says:


    Breakups suck almost as much as the time following them.

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