I live in a world of other people trying to control me, trying to bend me to their whim. Many of these people claim it is for my own good, or that it is so that law and order can reign supreme, or it is because God told them they should be trying to sell me on their questionable batch of isntructions posing as a religion, or any number of other reasons – some of them good and plausable, and some of them questionable in the extreme.

I genuinely want to make people happy, and so I try very hard to do what everyone tells me to, even though I often feel that my needs, thoughts, and desires aren’t being respected. In a disagreement, I will often give up on my side of the argument in order to make people happy. This seems to be programmed into me on a very deep level.

Every time someone tells me not to talk about places where I disagree with the established rule of law – not to argue for gay marriage, legal recreational drugs, the death of money, the end of copyright and patent – or dismisses my arguments as misguided rants, pointless idealism, or childish – it erodes who I am a little bit. I feel deeply eroded – I feel like I’ve never been truly free to be myself – that no matter what I will be enslaved to the bank, to those who’ve been on the planet longer than I have, to the government that I despise, to the ideals of other people that are not mine and their conviction that they are right and I am wrong.

I hate being told that I shouldn’t talk about the laws I break when they are broken after much thought of the issues involved. I live in constant fear of everything, and I don’t wish to add any weight to my fear of The Man.

You can not own ideas. You can not own information. If it can easily be copied, it can not be owned. I do not own the songs that I “wrote”, and it’s likely that somewhere, somewhen, someone else has written, and will write, all of them. If I can deal with the pain of this, surely those who love nothing more than money can deal with the pain of knowing that some people might get the enjoyment out of the intellectual property that artists working for them created without having to pay.

I hate money. I despise the way it leads humans to optimize for the wrong things, over and over and over and over. I hate that I have any power over any other person, and I really, really hate that any other person has any power over me. I live in constant fear of all of you, because you’re stronger than I am and you have already proven that wonderful as you are as individuals, as a group you are, by my standards, evil beyond words.

I hate being told that my words threaten other people – that those near to me are placed in danger by my ideas. What am I supposed to do, stop being myself so that you all can be safe? I never want to hurt anyone, but remaining silent is hurting *me*.

3 Responses to “”

  1. ClintJCL Says:

    “Are you threatening me?”

  2. Cygnostik Says:

    Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: So me and mine gotta lay down and die… so you can live in your better world?

    The Operative: I’m not going to live there. There’s no place for me there… any more than there is for you. Malcolm… I’m a monster.What I do is evil. I have no illusions about it, but it must be done.

    Reach over & open up the mp3s, look under Imperative Reaction and play the album “As we fall”. Turn it up. Turn it up loud.

    Listen. Ok, now that you’ve got that going on, proceed. 🙂

  3. sheer_panic Says:

    I have no ‘as we fall’, only ‘Redemption’, ‘Ruined’, and ‘Eulogy for the sick child’. Can I get a copy from you?

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