I’m feeling a little poked at.

I’ve been on Ebay buying supplies for a rave that needs to be held a considerable distance from the generators – (I’m kicking the 220 from the gennies up to 440, sending it down 10AWG wire, and dropping it back down to CT’d 220 – i.e. 110 – at the far end. I’m currently guessing about 2000′ of wire, and we’re sending 5kW.. I’m starting to feel like the power company over here.. )

Anyway, ‘my ebay’ has a picture of a locomotive and a banner ‘Grown up? Sell it.’. Ouch.  I will admit that I probably should spend less time playing with trains and more time working on my EV project – but I doubt if anyone would label either of them a ‘grown up’ thing to do.

(What I’m  supposed to do, they tell me, is have children. The problems with this are many, and I won’t enumerate them here only because I don’t have time, but look for a future article entitled ‘why I don’t want children’. We recently added a new item to the list: the presence of babies causes me to have panic attacks. I knew that I was frightened by them, and made very uncomfortable by their presence, and hated to look at them – but I had no idea that when seated next to one that kept groping me on a airplane, this would proceed to full-blown inability to breathe and desire to shrink as far away from the child in question as possible. Luckily the mother decided to move after seeing my reaction… I dislike thinking about the possibilities if she hadn’t.)

Lately I’ve been trading emails with a conservative that I decided to harass after reading a discussion page of a article they had worked on quite a bit on the wikipedia. (I was impressed with their skills in argument, and also found myself agreeing with most of what they said.) We obviously have quite a few differences, but the discussions have still been interesting. They wrote a wonderful Craigslist article (I understand that many of you won’t find it wonderful, but I do: http://raleigh.craigslist.org/rnr/394590164.html).

I need to find some religion that I can start feeling positive about. I’ve about had it with my own negativity.

My work is going well. I’m actually very slightly ahead of where I thought I’d be on my software dev project. My ‘day job’ is doing interesting things I don’t fully understand – I was their open source sysadmin, and now the database engines have all been moved to AIX and career admins hired to care and feed them.. which is why I’m posting blog entries at work. I’ve sent a list of the things I think they might want me to work on, and heard nothing other than ‘Don’t worry, hang in there, we’ll find something for you to do’. It seems pretty clear that they aren’t firing me outright, and I will admit that if the dev project I’m working on gets funded to where they can afford to pay me what my day job does – or even 20% less – I’d be happy to just work for them, as it’s more interesting work – but I do worry idly. Partially I’m worried that I will end up unemployed right before I get all my debts paid off (by best estimate, this will happen around December, so if I can just get $COMPANY to hang in there another 4 months…)

I really like the idea of not owing anyone anything. I’m trying to decide, though.. I’ve been watching E-Bay for a blue Honda Insight with a manual transmission, air conditioning, and <100,000 on the clock – nothing has showed up yet, but if one does, I’ll be tempted to pause my debt-reducing operations while I purchase it.. alternately, I could get my current car’s air conditioning fixed.

Oh, that reminds me.. (goes off to do some stuff)

2 Responses to “…”

  1. Cyg Says:

    Ya know, my neighbor some time back (maybe I mentioned this before?) threw away my $180 R/C hover thing… Last time I tried to use it the guys were cheering and yelling and he was banging on the wall – so… I hadn’t used it since then… Left it in the ‘community’ storage here at the apartment. He said he thought it was a kids toy and put it out with the trash!!

    I didn’t really say anything I didn’t know what to say and I knew he wouldn’t understand. He’s an OLD, ignorant, budwieser-drunk, stoner who drives an entemans(sp?) delivery truck through something like 3rd shift and is completely illiterate. How can I explain neato geeky toys or anything from thinkgeek.com to this guy? He has 3 cases of bud cans hanging in a trash bag out back for fucks sake.

    Heh. That prick has really made my life hell…

    ANYWAY! As I was saying, I felt somewhat similarly – but remember, those my ebay sell it ads are really intended for run down ignorant old shits like this guy anyway. It’s a well known fact that guys need toys, they want toys and they will always have toys and they can be any damn toys the guy feels like. So neener to anyone who thinks otherwise.

    As long as we all continue to remind ourselves after some time playing that there’s better things to be doing and eventually get to them. 🙂

    I don’t know about the children thing. Women around the world are finally realizing they don’t need children or to get sucked up into relationships when there’s fun and careers to be had – humanity to fight for and as they evolve and grow to realize there’s a time and a place and this may not be it or that maybe they’re not fit to be parents or they haven’t created circumstances in which they could properly care for offspring…

    Regardless about the man’s religion propagating urge of the people to breed, anyone who’s smart can recognize the fact that it may not be the most responsible thing to do, for most people, for countless reasons and there’s nothing wrong with that at all. Lots of people settle down and breed who… well… for the life they’re giving their children, they should be killed. Far too often the inhumanity of these people, makes me sick.

    I’ve been needing to build some religion. Not just for the sake of having some religion, not just to do it and not just to get rich like some certain people *cough*, but to get help from the like minded in organizing into an enchiridion a guidpost that can be written and re-read to constantly remind ourselves of the virtues we WANT to live by – and to have to show to others, here’s me, here’s how I want to live and FUCK YOU I DONT NEED YOUR STUPID SPITEFUL GOD looking down on me like a lemming – I can do it myself because I *KNOW* it’s right, not out of fear of god and not over questionable translations or dated ritual!

    I just don’t have time. If I could come up with a structure to be more organized I might do better. But see, I’d like to start it all from the ground up as a named, soon-to-be-ratified, religion. Maybe even an e-Religion.

    But it’s still all so open and vaporous, I need to spend time condensing these thoughts into words, a name, a constitution and a list of initial works of wisdom to consolidate into a vade mecum. If I ever get that done I’ll be filing a congregational application… I think the bonus to building your own religion is that you’re obligated to dig through wisdom, history, legend, science, bibles and philosophy and work towards creating a collection of information that forms a single formula for people to look to when they need inspiration, not control.

    Enough of that rambling. People always get those feelings, varied by the circumstances, at work. Heck, my company flat out just won’t fire people. It’s like against their ‘religion’. 😛 But I still worry at times, ’cause it’s hard to keep up when you’re all over the map, doing bitch-work, doing other things in ways you’re not accustomed to, and you never know, things could get tight financially… But I think worrying about that can be fairly normal especially if you’re prone to worry in general, ’cause losing employment is one of those big cascading problems. 🙂

  2. ClintJCL Says:

    I resent the above implication that a stoner with a few beer cans in his yard would be unable to understand items from ThinkGeek.com, but then again I don’t know the specific man in question.

    I came here to say:


    there’s your “religion”!

    I’m even an ordained “minister”…

    Yours truly,
    Rev. Xanatos Satanicos Bombasticos

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