The new standard for chutzpah

Wed, 20 Apr 2005 00:00:17

You have been automatically removed from the EDEALSPASS1AOL list (eDeals
Permission Pass 1 AOL) as a result of repeated delivery error reports
from your mail system. This decision was based on the automatic error
monitoring policy in effect for the list, and has not been reviewed or
otherwise confirmed by a human being. If you receive this message, it
means that something is wrong: while you are obviously able to receive
mail, your mail system has been regularly reporting that your account did
not exist, or that you were otherwise permanently unable to receive mail.
Here is some information which may assist you or your local help desk in
determining the cause of the problem:

– The failing address is sheer@SHEER.US.

– The first error was reported on 17 Apr 2005.

– Since then, a total of 2 delivery errors have been received.

– The last reported error was: Probe failed.

PLEASE DO NOT IGNORE THIS MESSAGE. While you can of course re-subscribe
to the list, it is important for you to report this problem to your mail
administrator so that it can be solved. This problem is not specific to
the EDEALSPASS1AOL list, and also affects your private mail. This means
write to you during the same time frame will probably have received the
same errors for the same reason. The EDEALSPASS1AOL list is but one of
the many people who may have tried to write to you while your mail system
was malfunctioning.

normal for a mail system to claim that a valid, working account does not
exist, just as it would not be normal for the post office to return some
of your mail with “addressee unknown” when the address was written
correctly. It is true that some mail systems are less reliable than
others, and your technical people may be doing the best they can with the
tools they have. But, ultimately, the level of service that you are
receiving is the result of a business decision, and not something due to
a universal technical limitation that one can only accept. Reliable mail
systems do exist, and it is ultimately up to you to decide whether this
level of service is acceptable or not.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have just been lectured about email reliability by a spammer.

But, wait, there’s more!

Wed, 20 Apr 2005 01:57:15

LISTSERV@LISTSERV.VERSUS.COM has just received the enclosed delivery
error as a result of a probe sent to your SHEER@SHEER.US account for the
EDEALSMERL list. If you are reading this message, it means that your mail
system is successfully delivering mail to your mailbox, while at the same
time reporting that an error has occurred (or, alternatively, the error
could be due to a system problem which has since then been fixed). At any
rate, LISTSERV has no way to know that you have actually received the
present message, and is operating on the assumption that your e-mail
address is no longer valid. Typically, LISTSERV will send you one or more
additional probe messages, on a daily basis, to determine whether the
failure persists, and if so you will be removed from the list eventually.
Some lists are configured to remove users on the first failure.

Assuming you have not been removed from the list yet, you can stop this
process by sending the following command to LISTSERV@LISTSERV.VERSUS.COM
as soon as possible:


This will tell LISTSERV that your account actually does work and that you
still want to receive mail from the EDEALSMERL list.

While the CONFIRM command will solve your immediate problem, it is only a
matter of time until you find yourself in the same situation again.
Please take a look at the enclosed error report and try to determine
whether it is a genuine error, or just an informational message. Bear in
mind that this error report was processed by a computer that cannot tell
“User JAIME24 does not exist” from “Please note that the Department of
Microbiology will be closed from December 19 to January 2” or “Attempts
to deliver your message have been unsuccessful for 300 seconds; will keep
trying for another 431700 seconds.” These informational messages, while
possibly useful to a human reader, should not be sent in answer to a
message coming from a mailing list (it is very easy for the mail program
to determine whether a message is coming from a mailing list). Genuine
errors should be reported to your computer/network support staff as soon
as possible so that they can be corrected.

————————- Delivery error report ————————-
Return-Path: <>
Received: from ( by (LSMTP for Windows NT v1.1b) with SMTP id <>; Wed, 20 Apr 2005 1:57:14 -0400
Received: (qmail 7382 invoked for bounce); 20 Apr 2005 08:18:32 -0000
Date: 20 Apr 2005 08:18:32 -0000
Subject: failure notice

Hi. This is the qmail-send program at
I’m afraid I wasn’t able to deliver your message to the following addresses.
This is a permanent error; I’ve given up. Sorry it didn’t work out.

Sheer is phasing out using this address. Please address correspondence to **censored** (for work-related communications) or **CENSORED** (for non-work related communications)

— Below this line is a copy of the message.

Received: (qmail 7376 invoked by uid 500); 20 Apr 2005 08:18:32 -0000
Delivered-To: sheer@SHEER.US
Received: (qmail 7315 invoked from network); 20 Apr 2005 08:18:32 -0000
Received: from unknown (HELO (
by with SMTP; 20 Apr 2005 08:18:32 -0000
Received: from copernic ( by (LSMTP for Windows NT v1.1b) with SMTP id <>; Wed, 20 Apr 2005 1:03:10 -0400
Date: Wed, 20 Apr 2005 01:01:39 -0400
From: Dent Repair
Subject: Dent and ding repair kit
To: sheer@SHEER.US
Content-Type: text/html;
MIME-Version: 1.0
X-Priority: 3
X-MSMail-Priority: Normal
Importance: Normal
X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.2600.0000
Return-Path: Dent Repair


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One Response to “The new standard for chutzpah”

  1. brassratgirl Says:

    omg that’s hilarious.

    My favorite part: “DO NOT LET TECHNICAL PEOPLE CONVINCE YOU THAT THIS IS NORMAL….Reliable mail systems do exist, and it is ultimately up to you to decide whether this level of service is acceptable or not.”

    ha ha. I can just see a customer: This is not normal! You can’t convince me otherwise! Of course, if the mail bounces, how are you supposed to get their reply?


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