It’s so easy to focus on the positive.. or the negative..
P’s journal is all about me being more comfortable without her and can’t wait for J. to get back and..
I’m so sick of everything. F.B. was a success from a turnout standpoint, and lots of people had lots of fun, but no one bought CDs and many people weren’t even aware MC was a live act.. (it was awesome seeing so many people on the dance floor during our set tho).. then there was much panic with dissapearing belongings (some friends of mine had things stolen even ;-() – apparently we were visited by some asian gang or something.. and then the moment which convinced me that I’m not ready to do this again for a long time.. one of the spod crew comes up to me, and tells me there are rumors someone in the venue has a gun.
What do you even do? Eventually the Seattle P.D. showed up and squared everything away and the party rolled on (honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever been so glad to see a cop in my life..) and it turned out it was only a knife.. but still, could have just as easily been a gun. Could have been a semiauto and they could have started taking out ravers at random.. someone did post on the list, ‘so many ravers, so little ammo’…
I wanted to curl up in a little ball, and here’s this group of people looking to me for answers, for direction, and suddenly I’m aware of just how little about throwing these events I know. Sure, I can make the sound system and the lighting work well, but..
I just don’t know if I want that kind of responsability again. It’ll be a long while anyway.
And I’ve lost P., and nothing is right with the world..
There were some really intensely fun moments.. before the gangstas moved in at 4 am, we had vibe out the ying yang, the trance was great.. MC’s set was truly awful at first because of sound board issues, but once we got the tech stuff squared away, we were rocking the house. There were like 100 people on the dancefloor, people dancing everywhere, and we were what they were dancing to.
We sold like 20 CDs.. I had hoped for 50, but.. I don’t know. People are gonna do what they’re gonna do. Turnout was *huge* .. I think we might have had 450 people through there. We shut down at 6, right on schedule, and got the venue cleaned up well enough that the house seemed happy when we left..
Another bitch.. the HOUSE LEFT US ALONE! They promised they’d have a person there, and they didn’t.. we couldn’t lock doors, unlock doors, there was no one guarding the back office and we kept haivng to go back there adn kick people out and hear about how they were best friends with Bruce honest.. [maybe they were. I think Bruce will forgive me when he understands the position I was in.. ]
I don’t know. I can look at all the people who had a obviously great time and say it was a total success.. or I can look at all the things that went wrong.. (the decks kept skipping from the dancers, we had to relocate them during MC’s set.. it was just a zoo..) and say it was a total failure. Or somewhere in between.
And I’ve still lost P. in any case.
I feel rather dissillusioned about the whole thing.. about everything, really. The spods are here, which is nice, but.. nothing seems to matter.
November 8th, 2004 at 4:50 am
‘so many ravers, so little ammo’, that was my friend tall Paul…he’s completely harmless of course. Just jokin’ on the whole thing.
“I’ve lost P., and nothing is right with the world…”
well, half that statement is true, the other half is not, because you have just contradicted yourself. You’ve written very positive things, which would imply that there were certain things right with the world. I mean, thank god we DO have people in this world trying to make it a better place…there are millions of people doing great things. It’s too easy to look on the negative side…much harder to pull the light out from the dark, but it’s got more worth that way.
Keep ya head up! You have wonderful things to look forward to, you have no idea. 🙂 Make sure you take some time to treat yourself to something that feeds your inner soul, and things WILL be right with the world. We DO have the power within us to make changes and to take back our self power.