game over. Insert coin.

I can’t even describe any of it. But the overwhelming sense is game over, I lose.

You know, it’s funny. As long as you don’t look outside – as long as you hide completely in whatever you’re doing and don’t think about alternatives – you can convince yourself that your life is perfect. As I am so fond of pointing out when people wish for happiness, emotions are a reletive thing.

Or are they?

Maybe they are absolute but our awareness of them is reletive.

Anyway, as is the way of the universe, I’m paying for my highs – including one of the most incredible experiences of my life – with equivalant lows. Dawning realizations. That kind of thing. I don’t like what I’m realizing.

there’s that question presented in the matrix: do you really want to know that your entire world is simulated? Is ignorance bliss? But I had to take the red pill – doing otherwise would have been out of charicter. And so now I know.

Yes put it so aptly – the road I want is not the one I’m shown.

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