Flashy thing..

If I were dropped into my current life with no memory of who I was, would I be happier or less happy?

I don’t know. Having a day of feeling abjectly miserable. I know my emotions always ran strongly, but I don’t remember them running *this* strongly. The last few months seem confusing, unreal.. like they were lived by somebody else.

I love Phoebe. I love Kayti. Phoebe is a door that is closed. I understand that, but it hurts. Kayti loves me.

I really, really hate N2O. Yay, let’s invent a drug that will allow you to drown in air, that will disconnect emotions from memories just long enough to give you a false sense of peace and security, just so when the emotions reconnect to the memories it’s like a 2×4 over the head.

Just for the record: I do not suggest large doses of nitrous oxide, or extended times under the influence of it, to anyone.

And, as far as I can tell, my memories are all still there.

I’m having a particularly strong spot of self-loathing.

One Response to “Flashy thing..”

  1. cori_chronicles Says:


    I’m familiar with my own brand of self-loathing, so I send you much love and try to send you the ability to self-love…

    You’re bound to have these pits and valleys that you’ll fall into now and again, but tomorrow is a new day, and you’ll probably inevitably feel differently and hopefully better.

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