here’s something chris sent me a long time ago [right after the election] which strikes me as amusing.<\/p>\n
NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
\nTo the citizens of the United States of America,
\nIn the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to
\ngovern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
\nindependence, effective today.
\nHer Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over
\nall states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she
\ndoes not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP for
\nthe 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world
\noutside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need
\nfor further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A
\nquestionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you
\nnoticed.
\nTo aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules
\nare introduced with immediate effect:
\n1. You should look up “revocation” in the Oxford English Dictionary.
\nThen look up “aluminium”. Check the pronunciation guide. You will be
\namazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you
\nshould raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up “vocabulary”.
\nUsing the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as
\n“like” and “you know” is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
\ncommunication. Look up “interspersed”.
\n2. There is no such thing as “US English”. We will let Microsoft know
\non your behalf.
\n3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.
\nIt really isn’t that hard.
\n4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
\nthe good guys.
\n5. You should relearn your original national anthem, “God Save The
\nQueen”, but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to
\nget confused and give up half way through.
\n6. You should stop playing American “football”. There is only one kind
\nof football. What you refer to as American “football” is not a very good
\ngame. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your
\nborders may have noticed that no one else plays “American” football. You
\nwill no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper
\nfootball. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is
\na difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to
\nplay rugby (which is similar to American “football”, but does not involve
\nstopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour
\nlike nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens
\nside by 2005.
\n7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons
\nif they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there
\nis a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians
\nhave never been the bad guys. “Merde” is French for “shit”.
\n8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new
\nnational holiday, but only in England. It will be called “Indecisive Day”.
\n9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for
\nyour own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we
\nmean.
\n10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us crazy.<\/p>\n
Thank you for your cooperation.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
here’s something chris sent me a long time ago [right after the election] which strikes me as amusing. NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE To the citizens of the United States of America, In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sheer.us\/weblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/974"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sheer.us\/weblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sheer.us\/weblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sheer.us\/weblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sheer.us\/weblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=974"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.sheer.us\/weblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/974\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sheer.us\/weblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=974"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sheer.us\/weblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=974"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sheer.us\/weblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=974"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}