I wish I could understand my repeated cravings for cigarettes. I haven’t smoked for a year (somewhere + or -) except for two cigs with Chris M. while I was in Socal, and now I keep having cravings every day. And they’re not craving-cravings, not body cravings, they’re more like intellectual cravings.. like my brain is sending me a text message saying ‘I want a cigarette’ and my lungs are sending one saying ‘Hell no!’.<\/p>\n
I’m making a serious and determined attempt to debug myself. I can’t go on living this way. Something’s wrong, and that something has to change. I’m enlisting whatever professional help I can afford – I’ve gotten health insurance, and I’ve got a pretty good paying gig at least for now.. I’m trying medication, I’m trying shrinks, I’m trying counsolers, I’m trying NA, I’m trying WHATEVER it takes to get my life unsnarled to where it doesn’t hurt and stress me out to my limits all the time. I know many of you might say I should just grow my limits out further and find ways to reduce stress<\/a>, but I don’t think so. I think there’s some solution that doesn’t push me so far and make me so unhappy and make me hurt other people so much and leave me so lost.<\/p>\n I have to figure out how to balance what I want, what I need, what the world wants, and what the world needs.<\/p>\n I apologize to my friends (particularly ) for dumping my problems and wants and confusion on you during this last episode. I understand that you all have lives too. I’m just *lost* – in four dimensions. At least.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I wish I could understand my repeated cravings for cigarettes. I haven’t smoked for a year (somewhere + or -) except for two cigs with Chris M. while I was in Socal, and now I keep having cravings every day. And they’re not craving-cravings, not body cravings, they’re more like intellectual cravings.. like my brain […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sheer.us\/weblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1608"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sheer.us\/weblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sheer.us\/weblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sheer.us\/weblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sheer.us\/weblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1608"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.sheer.us\/weblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1608\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2590,"href":"https:\/\/www.sheer.us\/weblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1608\/revisions\/2590"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.sheer.us\/weblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1608"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sheer.us\/weblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1608"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.sheer.us\/weblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1608"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}