Like Kirk, I don’t really believe in the no-win scenario. I appear to be in a couple of them (my desire to be real-life friends with $person and my desire for a music career without sacrificing quality of life) but I also tend to remind myself that I’m in the middle of the ride – that both of them appear no-win right now doesn’t mean to give up, it just means I haven’t figured out everything I need to know.<\/p>\n
I’m trying to master the art of *almost* going crazy. Because there definitely is something special that happens when I get my mind up to wide-open road speeds that is worthy of having – every time I do it, I get more capacity, mental-wise. But there’s some point at which it starts shaking like a unbalanced tire, and then Bad Things Happen. ™ If nothing else, I have to think that time spent in a blackout is not exactly productive, and there’s no doubt that I push $person further away whenever I’m in that state, and I can’t run a multitrack deck to save my life, because I lose the ability to easily see cause and effect and Earth’s tech is still too buggy to be relied on to Just Work.<\/p>\n
My current thinking is the goal is to slam the throttle up, and then back down as I come over the top. I think using seroquel every day is definitely the wrong use of the drug – like all sleeping pills, it loses control authority. So the challenge is to treat it like it’s a addiction – as soon as I get to where I *need* to use it every day to sleep, I need to be fighting it and trying my hardest to get off it. Then once I’m ‘clean’, wait for the spool up (currently happens twice a year) and then use seroquel scaled to my current clock speed to make sure I still get sleep. <\/p>\n
I would dearly love it if I could trust Earth’s health care system, but so far it hasn’t given me *any* reason to think that I can and has given me a number of reasons to think I can’t. Sometimes I think this planet is deliberately cracked in a whole bunch of ways just to teach us how not to.<\/p>\n
I know what I would build, if I were in charge of mental health. Because it’s so obvious to me, and I don’t know nearly as much as the powers that be, I have to suspect that they don’t want cures. For whatever reason, they like seeing people hurt. I hate them for it, and wish I could take away their power over me. If anyone is curious:<\/p>\n
Artificial Neural Network + Trans-cranial electromagnetic induction + FMRI = win.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Like Kirk, I don’t really believe in the no-win scenario. I appear to be in a couple of them (my desire to be real-life friends with $person and my desire for a music career without sacrificing quality of life) but I also tend to remind myself that I’m in the middle of the ride – […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[17,16],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.sheer.us\/weblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2753"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.sheer.us\/weblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.sheer.us\/weblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.sheer.us\/weblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.sheer.us\/weblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2753"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.sheer.us\/weblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2753\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2754,"href":"http:\/\/www.sheer.us\/weblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2753\/revisions\/2754"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.sheer.us\/weblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2753"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.sheer.us\/weblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2753"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.sheer.us\/weblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2753"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}