So, I had the traditional ‘using dream’ last night – it was very unpleasent. I didn’t want to use, but I kept buying more and I came home and upset my lover by using six boxes in a row and I was sick and miserable and I knew that I had just blown my 133 days without making it past my record of 153..<\/p>\n
I actually thought the dream was real until I finished awaking and realized that it was, indeed, just a dream. I’ve had other nitrous dreams, but never so detailed.<\/p>\n
I find this time more than last that as I get further away from the drug, the idea of using it is more and more repellant – I have a clear memory of how I felt afterwords, the sickness – and how instead of bringing enlightenment at the end it only brought more confusion. I don’t think I am likely to return to being a nitrous addict, nor a nitrous user at all. As Alex said, when you get the message… hang up the phone.<\/p>\n
I’m waiting until 365 days before I try anything, even alchohol – although I have been known to have a drink or two with friends under the right circumstances. But not enough to seriously affect my thinking.<\/p>\n
In 2004 my new years resolution was to go a year without drugs [aside from caffine]. In 2006 I managed a year without cigs (and I’m still not smoking – that’s another one that’s repellent to me at the moment, although every once in a while when a friend lights up I’m tempted). 2007 I’m fairly certain will be a year without drugs. 2008 will, I’m fairly certain, be a year without debt. <\/p>\n
Things are getting better. I think it will make me feel years younger to be free of debt, and free of the fear of getting evited the *day* I stop working. (once I get my debts paid off, I will build up a 3-month cash cushion before doing anything extravagent.. )<\/p>\n
(maybe)<\/p>\n
I’ve been trying to kick myself back into gear on the EV project, but it’s just not as fun when there’s no one to share it with. I should try and get Chris Mish and Josh sucked back in if possible, if not find new friends to share it with. Right now I’ve got all the packet management code written and I’m stalled on the *initialization settings*. (Actually, I also need to get a new STK500 as I have yet again blown all of mine – those stupid things are *way* too fragile.. okay, so I should use isolaters on my serial ports and isolated power supplies – no one’s perfect!)<\/p>\n
I’ve been liking my life more – now when I think of suicide, it’s with a sense of ‘how stupid that would be’. <\/p>\n
I miss parts of Seattle, but honestly, I’m glad I got out. People with tendancies towards depression should not live there.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
So, I had the traditional ‘using dream’ last night – it was very unpleasent. I didn’t want to use, but I kept buying more and I came home and upset my lover by using six boxes in a row and I was sick and miserable and I knew that I had just blown my 133 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.sheer.us\/weblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1896"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.sheer.us\/weblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.sheer.us\/weblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.sheer.us\/weblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.sheer.us\/weblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1896"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.sheer.us\/weblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1896\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.sheer.us\/weblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1896"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.sheer.us\/weblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1896"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.sheer.us\/weblogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1896"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}